Tuesday, January 28, 2014

Day 168: I Hope Things Get Better - Part 1


I often go into Hope when I experience being overwhelmed with the negative events in my life where I Hope that ‘things will get better’. When I am Hoping, I am not the directive principle and instead I’m waiting for something positive to happen – I deliberately attempt to ignore the overwhelming negative events, tell myself that ‘there’s nothing I can do to change it at this moment’, distract myself with other tasks, and forget about the problem for a little while before the thoughts, fears, and emotions that I have attached to the negative events reemerge. On occasions something ‘happens’ to improve my situation where my life looks quite miraculous because I haven’t actually moved myself to assist with this improvement - It’s these miraculous and positive experiences with events in my life ‘suddenly getting better’ that I have used to keep myself locked into Hope, to not take responsibility for my living, and to not do the make decisions, do the work, and make the changes required for my situation to improve. I realize that I can no longer Hope that my situation and the events in my reality will change for the better and that what is actually required is for me to make decisions and move myself within these decisions for anything with in my reality, including myself, to in-fact change.

SELF-FORGIVENESS

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into Hope when and as I experience being overwhelmed with what I see as negative events in my reality. Instead of standing up, taking responsibility for myself and my reality, and moving myself to make decisions and changes, I attempt to ignore the situations and distract myself with other tasks and entertainment while I hope and wait for the situations in my reality to ‘work themselves out’ positively.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not be the direct guiding principle of myself where instead of going into solutions, I overwhelm myself with problems until I separate and abdicate myself from the problems by saying, “there’s nothing I can do to change this at the moment,” and then give myself over to Hope where I wait for a positive change to happen.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deliberately attempt to ignore problems and/or overwhelming events, distract myself with other tasks, and ‘forget’ about the problem until the thoughts, fears, and emotions that I have attached to the negative events reemerge. I have convinced myself that ‘things will work out on their own if I leave them alone’, in-spite of the fact that I see that things just don’t ‘work out on their own’ and that problems require for someone or something to actually physically move and/or be a force for problems to work out. I do not allow myself to be that movement and force and I instead allow others to do this for me because I believe myself to be limited with what I can do and that things will work out better if someone/something more capable than me handles the problem.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not move myself to assist and support myself to make changes, improvements, and/or preventative actions within my reality because, on occasion, I experience my life ‘suddenly getting better’ with no action, change, nor movement on my part – and I like this and experience a positive energetic feeling of a miracle, a blessing, Good Karma, and/or that someone/something ‘out there’ separate from me with Universe Powers must Love me. I hold onto these moments and Hope that they will continue to play-out so that I do not have to apply myself, take responsibility for my living, make decisions, nor make the changes required for my living situation to improve. Here, I have locked myself into Hope and become possessed with/by Hope and within this, I have limited myself from realizing my potential – all because I fear losing this glimmer of a potential positive experience.

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