Monday, April 22, 2013

Day 131: The Helpless Victim - Thought Dimension

In this blog I am writing Self-Forgiveness for the Thought Dimension of The Helpless Victim Character that emerged from realizations while walking a traumatic event.  The initial writing out of the dimensions of this character can be read here: Day 129: The Helpless Victim, Day 130: The Helpless Victim - Fear Dimension

The process from which The Helpless Victim Character emerged can be referenced within these posts:

Day 124: The Day I Fell
Day 125: The Day I Fell - Self-Forgiveness
Day 126: The Day I Fell - Self-Realizations
Day 127: The Day I Fell - Self-Correction
Day 128: The Day I Fell - Self-Commitment

 


Writing from Day 129:
Thought Dimension
The thought that triggers this character is, "I might lose everything that I care about - I would be lost and no one will help me."


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the Thought, "I might lose everything that I care about - I would be lost and no one will help me," to exist within and as me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use this Thought as a way to scare myself into not changing, not doing what is best, and to not work on ways of improving my situation or allowing myself to step outside of my comfort-zone.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect, "I might lose everything that I care about - I would be lost and no one will help me," to fear.  What I have not seen or heard within this communication to myself that I live in fear that I will lose everything that I care about within and as myself, that I fear losing myself, and I fear that I will not assist and support myself within this process of change.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the THOUGHT to pop up in my mind as an image of me being cold, alone, scared, and everyone in my world that I have placed upon a pillar of importance as hating me, writing me out of their lives, and moving on without me.  I see anger and disappointment on their faces and I see them going about their daily lives where they choose to ignore me/pretend I do not exist.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that in the moment that the thought comes up, I have to decide whether or not I will participate with the thought.  It is here that I decide whether or not I will allow my fear to direct me or if I will direct myself to release myself from the fear with self-forgiveness and then stand within and as my decision to stand by/for/as my decision to change, do what is best for myself and others, work on implementing solutions that improve my situation, and pushing myself to step outside of my comfort-zone. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become The Helpless Victim for so long that I accept and allow myself to participate in and follow the Thought that presents an opportunity for me as an opposite of myself/who I have decided to be and my responsibility to myself and others/my world to stand as an example as what it means to do what is best, to improve the situation, and to push oneself to step outside of the comfort-zone. 

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to trust myself and so not allow myself to live in awareness and direct myself within and as what is best.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed this Thought to take me into my mind and place me in direct conflict with myself where I get caught up in my Mind where I completely compromise myself.  If instead I had allowed myself to practically walk myself through the process of making a decision that is best and living it - I would have improved my relationship with myself and given myself an opportunity to contribute as an example of how one can live with and as the point of not accepting and allowing The Helpless Victim character.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the Thought to become more important/urgent and/or of greater value than myself stopping, breathing, and directing myself to make a decision that is best and to live it. 

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see how one Thought/Picture/Image can control/determine the entirety of who I am in any given moment which shows the extent of which I have become influenced by the pictures and images within and as my mind, instead of living who I am here as the directive.

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