Monday, April 23, 2012

Day 8: Setting Myself Up For Failure

  • I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself tell myself that I have to write a Journey To Life blog every day according to a calendar date and with a the 24 hour definition of time of a day.
  • I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to tell myself that I must make writing self-forgiveness and self-correction a priority above all other commitments that I have made within and as my life.
  •  I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to tell myself as myself within and as my mind that if I do not write self-forgiveness and self-correction in my Journey To Life blog everyday within a 24 hour period of time that I will fail within my commitment to myself and others outside of myself. I see that by allowing myself as my mind to establish/create/manipulate myself into a failure relationship with time, priorities, and commitments, that I am within and as myself as my mind establishing, creating, opening up a backdoor within myself as my mind to not take responsibility for myself and correct myself within what is best for all and thus escape back into myself as my mind into my self-created cycle of excuses and justifications of my self-programmed failure. 
  • I forgive myself for not accepting nor allowing myself to see, realize, and understand that if I allow a point of failure to exist within and as myself as my mind, that I allow a point from and within which I can fail and thus go into a reaction of guilt, remorse and regret that I will then counter/create/manipulate myself within and as a polarity point within myself as my mind as my ego where I will justify my failure as being what is best for myself within and as my self-interest as my being better or having more important commitments to myself having a pleasurable life, my survival system, and/or my family obligations.
  • I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself within my participation within myself as my mind, to create/manipulate myself into a pattern where I see myself as 'balancing my self out' within and as my mind within relationships that I have created to/as/for/of myself as existing within/without/as myself, my life, others outside of myself, and my world reality.
  • I forgive myself for not accepting nor allowing myself see nor realize that my acceptance, allowance, and participation within and as the system of balance that I have programmed within myself as my mind as a response to my self-created relationships of positive-negative/better-worse/right-wrong/good-bad values, is projected onto the physical world reality within which I exist, including all other beings outside of myself with whom I exist. I have not seen our shared agreement of how this reality and ourselves as self-accepted mind systems functions within and as ourselves - as all that exists here is processed and/or filtered within ourselves as our minds within our agreed value systems, thoughts, egos, feelings and emotions. I have not seen the cycle that we have created within ourselves as we direct ourselves to become balanced/okay so that we can continue on within our self-interests and not see ourselves as required/responsible for what is happening within our reality outside of ourselves. As long as I am okay and living a full, satisfying life free of the problems that I see others having - It's all good, man. 
  • I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to agree with and participate within the 'circle of life'. I have not allowed myself to see and/or be aware that the circle/endless-cycle/entrapment of life into a pre-programmed pattern is my self as life entrapped into a circle/cycle of pre-programmed patterns. The circle of life exists within reality because I accept and allow it to exist within me. I have not seen that I accept and allow circle of life and thus the entrapment of life because within this cycle/pattern I see that I am not responsible for life and this appeals to my self-interest in that if I am not able to 'change nature' because it was/is created/maintained by a force outside of myself that is greater than myself.  I have accepted and allowed myself to be/become powerless to the 'nature' of my reality and myself as a nature - a human nature - purposefully created and programmed with an expiration date.
  • I forgive myself for not accepting nor allowing myself to see and become aware that 'nature' is a word that indicates pre-progamming. I have not allowed myself to see nor realize that when myself or someone/something outside of myself is seen by myself as 'natural', that I am seeing  program. I am comfortable with that which I am seeing as natural because I am comfortable within the program - my program. I am comfortable within my pre-programming because within my acceptance and allowance of my pre-programmed nature I am not responsible for the consequences of what I have accepted allowed as my pre-defined natural thoughts, actions, words and responses.
When and as I see and/or become aware of myself as creating a backdoor of failure for myself as and within my participation with/in/as my mind, I stop. I breath. I direct myself to walk myself backward from my self-appointed outcome/consequence of failure to my original thought - within my process I identify feelings, emotions, memories, pictures, words and relationships that I have created/manipulated myself with/in/as my acceptance of and my participation with/in/as/for/of myself as my mind system. I commit myself and thus move and direct myself within my patterned processes of myself as a mind, expose my systematic patterns to myself within my writing and saying self-forgiveness and then re-direct myself within and as my writing and saying self-correction as what's best for all then I live my self-correction.

Taking a closer look at priorities specifically at the relationship I have created with seeing the amount of things I have to do as 'too much' or overwhelming, I see that by allowing myself to use my value system as a means to prioritize my day by more, less or of no importance, that I am placing myself within a trap of accomplishment and failure which I allow myself to direct myself to guilt, frustration, and giving up.
  • I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as my mind to see myself as 'accomplished' when completing a task and thus experience positive feelings of pride, relief, and elation. 
  •  I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself as my mind to see myself as a 'failure' when I do not complete a task and within that failure allow myself to experience negative emotions of guilt, remorse, and depression as a result of telling myself within myself as my mind that I'm shit, that cannot be 'counted upon', that I cannot be trusted with responsibility, that I cannot handle being a disappointment to others, and that I should say, 'fuck this, fuck you, it would be better off for everyone if I just give up'. I see that when I'm feeling good about what I'm doing, I keep doing it and when I feel bad about something I'm doing, I want out so that I do not feel shitty anymore. 
  • I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to pursue and make accomplishments within what makes me happy within myself as my mind. 
  • I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear failure because of the pain I create within myself as my body when as my mind I recall memories, thoughts and pictures from which to inject myself with emotions of guilt, remorse, rejection, and loss. I see that by allowing myself as my mind to create scenarios within myself as my mind, that I am torturing myself as myself and my body needlessly. I see that by directing myself to make my mind illusions of my myself as real by generating emotions and feelings, that I am abusing myself and myself as my physical body to fuel myself as my mind. 
Why? So I can have a place to hide? And that's not real either - who/what/where I am is not a mysterious secret. LOL. I am here, right here in front of myself in every moment, in and as everyone and everything in existence/this world as a predictable program. Within this realization of myself, there is only one solution: Stop. Stop my acceptance and allowance of myself as a predictable program by not allowing myself as my mind as my ego to make-up justifications and excuses for myself for allowing myself to separate myself from anyone or anything that does not 'make me feel good'. I commit myself to deconstructing myself as my mind point by point until it is done.
 
When and as I become frustrated, overwhelmed, tired, and/or confused as I see all that must be done, I stop. I breath.  I realize that making/living commitments and prioritizing is not something that I have allowed for myself and within that realization, I direct myself to again, stop, breath, and for a moment sit myself down, write out the priorities/commitments/things that need to be done and direct myself within an equal distribution of myself to each task.  When and as I see that my process of prioritizing is not effective nor supportive to me, I push - I do not not allow myself to create a backdoor for myself.  I direct myself to myself write out, self-forgive, and self-correct the points where I am not being effective.  Within my learning process, I allow and direct myself to hear perspectives of others from outside of me who are effective at prioritizing their commitments as others processes are supportive to myself.

When and as I am pressuring myself to write my daily Journey To Life blog as something I 'have to do', I stop, I breath and I bring myself back to my realizations of myself within setting myself up for failure.  I see that my daily Journey To Life blogs are written documentation of my Journey To Life in which I share writing, self-forgiveness, and self-correcting for each day that I have walked my commitment to myself.  Here, I do not allow a back-door or an escape through and as distractions, justifications and/or excuses.  When and as I see myself resisting writing my daily self-forgiveness and self-correction in my Journey To Life blog, I stop, I breath and push myself to write as after pushing through resistance, I have seen how my process has changed.

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